On Connection Regrets: My Excruciating Experience
By Muhsin Ibrahim
Khadija, nicknamed Kashe-Kala, who I ‘re-nicknamed’ KKK,
was one of my dearest classmates during our undergrad at Bayero University,
Kano. Honestly, KKK, a sickle cell patient, was pretty, posh, and from a
wealthy family. Hence that sobriquet. So, admittedly, I believed she was out of
my league. However, we became so close. Despite our closeness, we disagreed
pretty often.
About a year after graduation, I met the lady I later
married. The day I told KKK about my newfound love, she jokingly bragged that I
chose this girlfriend because she’s her namesake: Khadija. On hearing this, some
friends thought she loved me. It’s not true; our relationship was platonic.
I had visited KKK’s house countless times. I barely
missed seeing her at the hospital. Her relatives know me. I can’t forget the
day I was riding my motorbike to their house when I stopped by the roadside to
answer her call. From nowhere, someone snatched my phone. She bought me a new
one.
As I mentioned earlier, we fought over little things. We sometimes spent days or a week or even more without talking. There was a time we deleted each other’s phone numbers, but only to reconcile days later! They say adolescence now lasts from 10 to 24. Thus, blame that, not us.
Tragically, KKK died in January 2013, a few months
after our NYSC service. A few days before her death, we talked on the phone for
over an hour. But unfortunately, we had yet another quarrel soon after
that long call. I couldn’t visit or call her until she died; that hurts me
daily.
Daniel H. Pink, the author of The Power of Regret:
How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward, calls what I experience “Connection
Regrets”. These regrets are further divided into two: Closed Doors and Open
Doors. Unfortunately, what I am going through falls under the former – closed-door regrets as KKK is no more. Thus, there is no room to fix the issue.
As Pink correctly titled his book, looking backwards at how KKK and I unceremoniously parted helps me move forward today. He finally suggests that “the lesson of closed doors [regret] is to do better next time.” (p. 146). I will indeed do that.
May Allah forgive KKK’s shortcomings and that of our
departed loved ones, amin.
Amin ya Allah. Allah ya kyautata makwanci Khadija. Allah ya sa Aljannah makoma.
ReplyDeleteAamin, ya Allah. Touching
ReplyDeleteAmeen
ReplyDeleteAllah ya gafarta mata
ReplyDeleteMay Allah have mercy on KKK
ReplyDeleteAllahu Akbar, my condolences to you Malam Muhsin may Allah forgive her shortcomings and grant her highest paradise
ReplyDeleteAmin
ReplyDeleteAmeen. A heart touching story indeed. We too will do better next time.
ReplyDeleteThis is indeed touching. It makes me reminisce on a lot of horrible things that happened between I and some of my course mates: some I do regret and some I don't.
ReplyDeleteMay Allah forgive Khadijah's shortcomings.
Ameeen, May aljannatul firdaus be her final abode.
ReplyDeleteAllahu Akbar. May she rest in Jannah. We all have similar stories.
ReplyDeleteAmeen
ReplyDeleteClosed door indeed! May Allah forgive her.
ReplyDeleteAmin ya Allah. What a touching story!
ReplyDeleteAllah ya jikanta yai mata rahama ya sa Aljannar firdausi ce makomarta
ReplyDeleteTouching 😭
ReplyDeleteAllah Ya jaddada Rahama Agareta 🙏
Ameen suma Ameen
ReplyDeleteAmin ya Allah😭
ReplyDeleteI prayer may her gentle soul rests in perfect peace and happiness.
ReplyDeleteThis story touches me and remind about my late sickle brother who I let drank cold water and leaded to catarrah and move further to his death.
I always live with this pain.
Such a touching story, may her soul continue to be in perfect peace.
ReplyDeletePls join hands together to end sickle cells anemia by knowing our genotype and marrying the right partner.
Allah yayi mata rahama
ReplyDeleteAllah ya gafarta mata
ReplyDeleteÃmin ya Allah
ReplyDeleteAllahu akbar Allah ya jikanta
ReplyDeleteAllah ya gafarta mata,
ReplyDeleteThere is great lesson to ponder.
May Her gentle soul rest in peace continuously continuously
ReplyDeleteMay almighty Allah forgive her shortcomings and make her among the most highest paradise
ReplyDeleteAmin, amin.
ReplyDeleteMay all mighty ALLAH in his infinite mercy and compassion grant her jannatul firdause
ReplyDeleteAllah ya mata rahama
ReplyDeleteYa Salam! Mau Allah SWA have mercy on her and our departed loved once. It was sad indeed. Sometime saying goodbye is a relief.
ReplyDeleteAllah yajikanta da Rahama
ReplyDeleteAmin
ReplyDeleteAllah ya jikan da rahama
ReplyDeleteAllah Ya jikan ta.
ReplyDeleteAmeen ya hayyu ya Qayyum
ReplyDeleteAmeen summa Ameen 🥺🥺
ReplyDeleteAllah yajikanta darahma amin thuma amin.
ReplyDeleteAllah ya jikan khadijah
ReplyDeleteAmin
ReplyDeleteAmeen ya Hayyu ya Qayyum
ReplyDeleteAmeen ya Hayyu ya Qayyum
ReplyDeleteAmin
ReplyDeleteAllah ya jikan ta Sir yasa aljanna ce makomar ta. Ameen.
ReplyDeleteAmin ya rabbi
ReplyDeleteRIP
ReplyDeleteAmin ya Hayyu ya Qayyum.
ReplyDeleteAllah ya gafarta mata, Aamiin.
ReplyDeleteAllah ya gafarta mata, Aamiin.
ReplyDeleteMy prayers may jannatul firdausi be her final rest.
ReplyDeleteIt's really tragic story. May Allah SWT forgive her shortcomings.
ReplyDeleteAmin ya Hayya Ya Qayyum, this is a memory that you can hardly forget, May Allah azzawajallah admit her into jannah and unite us all there.
ReplyDeleteAllah Ubangiji Ya gafarta mata.
ReplyDeleteAmeen ya Allah
ReplyDeleteMay Allah have mercy on her.
ReplyDeleteAllah ya kyautata makwancin ta. Amin
ReplyDeleteMay Allah Have mercy upon her soul and grant her Jannatul Firdous.
ReplyDeleteAllah Sarki, Allah ya jikanta da Rahama, yasa aljanna ce makomar ta. Ya SubhanAllah.
ReplyDeleteAllahumma ameen. What a heart-touching recollection! I really learn from every one of your write-ups. Jazaakallahu khairan, Dr Muhsin.
ReplyDeleteAllah sarki to both of you.
ReplyDeleteAllah ya gafarta mata
ReplyDelete😢
ReplyDeleteMay Allah forgive her shortcomings and make Jannatul Firdaus her eternal Home
May her gentle soul rest in peace.. AMEEN
ReplyDeleteAllah ya gafarta wa KKK.
ReplyDeleteاللهم اغفر له وارحمه
ReplyDeleteAmeen ya Allah
ReplyDeleteAmeen Ya Allah
ReplyDeleteAllah ya jaddada rahma agareta
ReplyDeleteMay Allah soul of KKK rest in peace.
ReplyDeleteMay Allah rest the soul of KKK in peace; May he grant her Jannatul Firdaus. Amin.
ReplyDeleteGhafaral-Lahu laha
ReplyDeleteI experience similar situation with a cousin of mine there was a time she angered me and i promised not to call her ever and 😭 just a few months she passed away. I will always remain in regret and being remorseful of my act.
May Allah forgive KKK, May Allah forgive my cousin, Maimunah
May Aljannatul firdaus be her final home
ReplyDeleteAllah jikan ta da Rahmah
ReplyDeleteAllah yayi mata Rahman
ReplyDeleteAameen Ya Hayyu Ya Qayyum.
ReplyDeleteAmin ya Rabbi
ReplyDeleteInna lillahi wa inna ilahi raji'un. May Allah forgive KKK , comfort you and her family, amiin.
ReplyDeleteYa Salam! Indeed a Remarkable memory. May Almighty Allah forgive her shortcomings. Ameen
ReplyDeleteAmin Ya Rahman
ReplyDeleteAnd I teared up. Touching. May Allah grant her jannatul Firdausi
ReplyDeleteAllah sarki KKK. Still have this piece in mind. May gentle soul rest in external peace
ReplyDeleteHeart touching indeed. Allah ya jikanta da rahmah, yasa mu gama lafiya.
ReplyDeleteMay Almighty Allah bless her with mercy and forgiveness, and makes jannatul firdaus her final abode.
ReplyDeleteAmeen ya Allah
ReplyDeleteMay she rest an eternal rest. I’m touched.
ReplyDeleteMay Allah rest her soul
ReplyDeleteAllah Ya gafarta mata
ReplyDeleteAmeen ya Allah
ReplyDeleteIt's indeed a touching story, we all had in one way or the other regreted for our actions. I'm presently regrating venture into one activity that may likely hurt me or someone else innocently.
ReplyDeleteThank you Muhsin, My lecturer Bayero University Kano.
Allah ya gafarta mata
ReplyDeleteAllah ya gafarta masa
ReplyDeleteVery insightful, Allah yaji kanta.
ReplyDeleteWhat a heart touching story! May Allah forgive her shortcomings and have mercy upon her.
ReplyDeleteAmin Ya Rabbilalamin
ReplyDeleteAmin YāRabb
ReplyDeleteAllahuma gafiruha warahamhu afihum
ReplyDeleteAllahu Akbar. Allah ya jaddada Rahma a gareta.
ReplyDeleteAllah yayi mata rahma
ReplyDeleteAmin
ReplyDeleteAllah ya jikanta da rahma.
ReplyDeleteAllah ya jikanta da rahma
ReplyDeleteAmeen ya Allah, may Shaitan never wins against us whenever we have some little disagreements.
ReplyDeleteAllahu Akbar. Gaskia ne khadija suna shiga rai
ReplyDelete