(143): On Connection Regrets: My Excruciating Experience

On Connection Regrets: My Excruciating Experience 

By Muhsin Ibrahim

Khadija, nicknamed Kashe-Kala, who I ‘re-nicknamed’ KKK, was one of my dearest classmates during our undergrad at Bayero University, Kano. Honestly, KKK, a sickle cell patient, was pretty, posh, and from a wealthy family. Hence that sobriquet. So, admittedly, I believed she was out of my league. However, we became so close. Despite our closeness, we disagreed pretty often.

About a year after graduation, I met the lady I later married. The day I told KKK about my newfound love, she jokingly bragged that I chose this girlfriend because she’s her namesake: Khadija. On hearing this, some friends thought she loved me. It’s not true; our relationship was platonic.

I had visited KKK’s house countless times. I barely missed seeing her at the hospital. Her relatives know me. I can’t forget the day I was riding my motorbike to their house when I stopped by the roadside to answer her call. From nowhere, someone snatched my phone. She bought me a new one.

As I mentioned earlier, we fought over little things. We sometimes spent days or a week or even more without talking. There was a time we deleted each other’s phone numbers, but only to reconcile days later! They say adolescence now lasts from 10 to 24. Thus, blame that, not us.

Tragically, KKK died in January 2013, a few months after our NYSC service. A few days before her death, we talked on the phone for more than an hour. But unfortunately, we had yet another quarrel soon after that long call. I couldn’t visit or call her until she died; that hurts me daily.

Daniel H. Pink, the author of The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward, calls what I experience “Connection Regrets”. These regrets are further divided into two: Closed Doors and Open Doors. Unfortunately, what I am going through falls under the former – closed door regrets as KKK is no more. Thus, there is no room to fix the issue.

As Pink correctly titled his book, looking backwards at how KKK and I unceremoniously parted helps me move forward today. He finally suggests that “the lesson of closed doors [regret] is to do better next time.” (p. 146). I will indeed do that.

May Allah forgive KKK’s shortcomings and that of our departed loved ones, amin.

Comments

  1. Amin ya Allah. Allah ya kyautata makwanci Khadija. Allah ya sa Aljannah makoma.

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  2. Aamin, ya Allah. Touching

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  3. Allah ya gafarta mata

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  4. May Allah have mercy on KKK

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  5. Allahu Akbar, my condolences to you Malam Muhsin may Allah forgive her shortcomings and grant her highest paradise

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  6. Ameen. A heart touching story indeed. We too will do better next time.

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  7. This is indeed touching. It makes me reminisce on a lot of horrible things that happened between I and some of my course mates: some I do regret and some I don't.
    May Allah forgive Khadijah's shortcomings.

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  8. Ameeen, May aljannatul firdaus be her final abode.

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  9. Allahu Akbar. May she rest in Jannah. We all have similar stories.

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  10. Closed door indeed! May Allah forgive her.

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  11. Amin ya Allah. What a touching story!

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  12. Muhyiddin Haruna16 July 2022 at 22:45

    Allah ya jikanta yai mata rahama ya sa Aljannar firdausi ce makomarta

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  13. Touching 😭
    Allah Ya jaddada Rahama Agareta 🙏

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  14. Ameen suma Ameen

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  15. Amin ya Allah😭

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  16. I prayer may her gentle soul rests in perfect peace and happiness.
    This story touches me and remind about my late sickle brother who I let drank cold water and leaded to catarrah and move further to his death.
    I always live with this pain.

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  17. Such a touching story, may her soul continue to be in perfect peace.
    Pls join hands together to end sickle cells anemia by knowing our genotype and marrying the right partner.

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  18. Abdurrahman Ibrahim Gusau16 July 2022 at 23:14

    Allah yayi mata rahama

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  19. Allah ya gafarta mata

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  20. Ãmin ya Allah

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  21. Alhassa Zaharadeen16 July 2022 at 23:42

    Allah ya gafarta mata,
    There is great lesson to ponder.

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  22. May Her gentle soul rest in peace continuously continuously

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  23. May almighty Allah forgive her shortcomings and make her among the most highest paradise

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  24. May all mighty ALLAH in his infinite mercy and compassion grant her jannatul firdause

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  25. Allah ya mata rahama

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  26. Ya Salam! Mau Allah SWA have mercy on her and our departed loved once. It was sad indeed. Sometime saying goodbye is a relief.

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  27. Engr. Alkasim Danzaki17 July 2022 at 00:27

    Allah yajikanta da Rahama

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  28. Allah ya jikan da rahama

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  29. Allah Ya jikan ta.

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  30. Ameen ya hayyu ya Qayyum

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  31. Ameen summa Ameen 🥺🥺

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  32. Allah yajikanta darahma amin thuma amin.

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  33. Allah ya jikan khadijah

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  34. Ameen ya Hayyu ya Qayyum

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  35. Aminu Ahmad Garba17 July 2022 at 05:45

    Ameen ya Hayyu ya Qayyum

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  36. Allah ya jikan ta Sir yasa aljanna ce makomar ta. Ameen.

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  37. Amin ya rabbi

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  38. Amin ya Hayyu ya Qayyum.

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  39. Allah ya gafarta mata, Aamiin.

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  40. Umar Ahmad Garba17 July 2022 at 06:59

    Allah ya gafarta mata, Aamiin.

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  41. My prayers may jannatul firdausi be her final rest.

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  42. It's really tragic story. May Allah SWT forgive her shortcomings.

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  43. Amin ya Hayya Ya Qayyum, this is a memory that you can hardly forget, May Allah azzawajallah admit her into jannah and unite us all there.

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  44. Sabiu Abdullahi17 July 2022 at 07:40

    Allah Ubangiji Ya gafarta mata.

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  45. Ameen ya Allah

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  46. May Allah have mercy on her.

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  47. Allah ya kyautata makwancin ta. Amin

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  48. May Allah Have mercy upon her soul and grant her Jannatul Firdous.

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  49. Allah Sarki, Allah ya jikanta da Rahama, yasa aljanna ce makomar ta. Ya SubhanAllah.

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  50. Allahumma ameen. What a heart-touching recollection! I really learn from every one of your write-ups. Jazaakallahu khairan, Dr Muhsin.

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  51. Allah sarki to both of you.

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  52. Allah ya gafarta mata

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  53. 😢
    May Allah forgive her shortcomings and make Jannatul Firdaus her eternal Home

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  54. Aliyu Adam Shuaibu17 July 2022 at 09:20

    May her gentle soul rest in peace.. AMEEN

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  55. Allah ya gafarta wa KKK.

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  56. اللهم اغفر له وارحمه

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  57. Abba Mohd Haruna17 July 2022 at 09:57

    Ameen ya Allah

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  58. Ameen Ya Allah

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  59. Allah ya jaddada rahma agareta

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  60. May Allah soul of KKK rest in peace.

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  61. May Allah rest the soul of KKK in peace; May he grant her Jannatul Firdaus. Amin.

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  62. Ghafaral-Lahu laha
    I experience similar situation with a cousin of mine there was a time she angered me and i promised not to call her ever and 😭 just a few months she passed away. I will always remain in regret and being remorseful of my act.

    May Allah forgive KKK, May Allah forgive my cousin, Maimunah

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  63. May Aljannatul firdaus be her final home

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  64. Allah jikan ta da Rahmah

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  65. Allah yayi mata Rahman

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  66. Aameen Ya Hayyu Ya Qayyum.

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  67. Amin ya Rabbi

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  68. Inna lillahi wa inna ilahi raji'un. May Allah forgive KKK , comfort you and her family, amiin.

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  69. Ya Salam! Indeed a Remarkable memory. May Almighty Allah forgive her shortcomings. Ameen

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  70. Amin Ya Rahman

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  71. And I teared up. Touching. May Allah grant her jannatul Firdausi

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  72. Allah sarki KKK. Still have this piece in mind. May gentle soul rest in external peace

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  73. Heart touching indeed. Allah ya jikanta da rahmah, yasa mu gama lafiya.

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  74. May Almighty Allah bless her with mercy and forgiveness, and makes jannatul firdaus her final abode.

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  75. Ameen ya Allah

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  76. May she rest an eternal rest. I’m touched.

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  77. May Allah rest her soul

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  78. Allah Ya gafarta mata

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  79. Ameen ya Allah

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  80. It's indeed a touching story, we all had in one way or the other regreted for our actions. I'm presently regrating venture into one activity that may likely hurt me or someone else innocently.

    Thank you Muhsin, My lecturer Bayero University Kano.

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  81. Allah ya gafarta mata

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  82. Allah ya gafarta masa

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